Me: Lily, please stop chewing a hole in the living room rug and come over here. I know you’re obsessed with making a soppy gross hole in the most prominent rug in the house, but it’s time to take a break from your mission to do a little Q&A. People are curious about you. … Hello? Heelllllooooo-ooooh! Yo! Dog! Over here!
Me: What’s your favorite activity so far?
Lily: I love going to the park where I get to splash in the pond, bark at herons and roll around in goose poop. Mucho fun!
Me: So, I notice that you speak a little Spanish. Are you bilingual?
Lily: I was born in California. Duh!
Me: Okay. What’s your favorite toy?
Lily: My cow sandwich. He’s soft and plushy, AND he makes squeaking sounds if you squeeze his tummy. Most of the time I cuddle it like a pillow. Sometimes I shake the heck out of him and he rattles and squeaks. Sometimes I just carry him around in my mouth. But c’MON, it’s a COW SANDWICH! What’s not to love?
Me: Do you have a favorite snack yet?
Lily: Well, you’d think it might be a cow sandwich, but actually it’s goose poop. I love me some goose poop! Dee-lish!
Me: I understand that two of Auntie Tara’s cats are going to come live with you? How do you feel about that?
Lily: That’s cool, I love cats. I hope they let me herd them because that’s essential to any relationship that I have.
Me: What’s your favorite soda?
Lily: Mountain Dew. It gives me LOTS of energy.
Me: I’ll bet. What’s your best trick?
Lily: Sitting. I can sit really quickly. People love it and will give me a treat. It’s awesome! I can also run to people when they call me, but only if I’m not distracted by really stinky smells, ducks, geese and heron.
Me: What’s your greatest fear?
Lily: Big garbage trucks. Something traumatic must have happened in my past. I can’t remember what happened and I can’t talk about it, it’s that awful. But whenever a garbage truck goes by my whole body shakes and I have to lie down.
Me: What’s the one word that everyone uses to describe you?
Me: What’s the one word that you would use to describe everyone else?
Me: What do you look forward to doing this fall?
Me: What’s your favorite TV show?
Lily: Glee. I love all the singing and dancing! I can watch it for ages. Jane Lynch totally cracks me up! I’m so happy she won an Emmy.
Me: What’s your favorite food?
Lily: Anything that is NOT officially dog food. If it’s labeled “dog food” … blech.
Me: Well, thanks for taking a couple of minutes out of your day to chat. As a reward go find yourself an electrical cord to chew through, preferably one that’s expensive to replace.
Lily: Anytime, chica. Been there, done that.